A table, a group of friends around it, and a good joke or two is all you need to have an enjoyable evening of D&D. We truly believe that people with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life! Just as D&D 5e accepts all types of players, some jokes are natural and easily flowing, and some are painfully cringey. So how do you find humor from a bunch of books full of lore, stats, and a ridiculous number of choices? Whether you’re a bard looking for your next inspiration for vicious mockery or hideous laughter, or you just need a joke or two to bring to the table, we have it covered below!
Types of D&D Jokes
- Terrible D&D Dad Jokes
- Dungeon Master Jokes
- Class-Specific Jokes
- Monster Jokes
- Dragon Jokes
- Word Play Puns
Terrible D&D Dad Jokes
Dad jokes are all about saying unbearable puns and eliciting groans from everyone in the room. The better the joke the more groans and boos you should get!
- Player: I have a worthless Character.
You: Yes, and that Wizard you are playing isn’t great either.
- What happens when you stand on a d4?
Your foot takes 1d4 damage.
- How do you know if your magic sword is blunt?
When it starts critiquing your form during combat.
- How do you get a D&D player to go out with you?
You ask them for a d8.
- Why did the halfling stop dating his Warforged girlfriend?
Because she was too high maintenance.
- Which body of water do you get bonuses to sail across?
- How do Aarakocra prefer to send messages?
- Why is a necromancer not always a bad guy?
Sometimes they just want to raise a family in peace!
- What do you call it when you are tricked by feign death?
A grave mistake.
- Why did the singing orc try to get a bird companion?
He was told Orc Kestrel music sounds amazing.
Dungeon Master Dad Jokes
- What happens when the dungeon master quits and you need to take the reins?
- What kind of car does a Dungeon Master drive?
A DM Fiat.
- What is a Dungeon Master’s favorite type of dog?
A Plott Hound.
- Why is it so important to pay close attention to your Dungeon Masters storyline?
Because a watched plot never foils.
- Where did the Dungeon Master find stats for the animated cheese monster?
The Muenster Manual.
Class Specific Dad Jokes
- Why do paladins prefer chainmail armor?
Because it’s holey armor.
- How does the paladin protect against the heat of a Firebolt?
He turns up his AC!
- Have you heard about the Arabic Paladin?
His name was Pala-Hadin.
- Why do dragons refuse to eat paladins?
Because they taste so lawful.
- How many paladins does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to put in the new bulb and another to “uphold the light.”
- What is a rogue’s favorite metal?
- How many rogues does it take to change a lightbulb?
- What do you call a rogue with demonic heritage?
- Do you know why my rogue likes to hide and look for treasure inside of every tree?
He likes to look for junk in the trunk.
- What’s a rogue’s favorite medium armor?
- Why do wizards like fireball so much?
It’s a well-rounded spell.
- What do you get when you cross the wizard and the rogue?
Time to roll initiative.
- What tool helps a wizard with writing the correct runes into their spellbook?
A Spell Checker!
- How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends. Change it into what?
- What’s the difference between a wizard and a sorcerer?
- What is a cleric’s favorite hot drink?
- Our cleric will sometimes stop the combat just to have a drink with his god!
He calls it “the wine intervention.”
- Where’s the best place to hit a cleric?
Right in the temple!
- What is a cleric’s favorite car manufacturer?
Ford, because I’ve never seen a cleric without their focus.
- What did the cleric say to the ham?
You are cured!
- Where does the ranger keep their arrows?
In the monsters!
- What did the wizard say to the ranger?
Are you actually trying to hit something or just getting rid of excess ammo?
- Have you heard about that ranger who bound their diary in the skin of a land shark?
He wanted a bulette journal.
- Where do rangers go to refill their arrows?
- What’s the best ranger build you have ever played?
A rogue with a bow.
- What do you call a group of Storm Sorcerers?
- What did the draconic sorcerer go to therapy for?
- What did the party say to the chef-trained sorcerer after eating their food?
What saucery is this!?
- How does the sorcerer know all about all of the NPCs?
He uses Meta-magic.
- Why are sorcerers’ shoes so comfy?
They have favored soles.
- If the barbarian has ten gold pieces, and the rogue steals half of it, what does the rogue take?
1d12 slashing damage.
- Why did the barbarian name his war hammer Realization?
So you’ll know it when it hits you.
- Do you know that barbarians are really popular nowadays?
They are all the rage.
- How many barbarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A barbarian is not afraid of the dark.
- What do you call a party of barbarians?
- What forest animal helps the druid get that nice green color for their robe?
A dyer wolf.
- Why did the druid turn into a water fowl?
To ab-duck-t someone.
- How did the druid fight off an attack by goblins?
With their bear hands.
- What do you call it when a druid chooses to multi-class?
- Why is the druid the most trusted member of the party?
There’s nothing they wooden do for their friends.
- Why was the musician kicked out of the tavern?
She was bard!
- What did one orc say to the other while eating a bard wearing a harlequin costume?
This one has a funny taste.
- Why should an optimal party have a rogue and a bard?
To balance out the prose and cons.
- What do you call a lawful good bard?
- What did the bard say when asked if they could play a song?
- What do you call a monk who is proficient with the brass horn?
- Did you know that people think monks are weak?
I think they just know how to roll with the punches.
- What is a monk’s favorite dessert?
- Why should you never buy flowers from a monk?
Because only YOU can prevent florist friars.
- Why are monks so funny?
Because they know the ki to comedy is a good punch-line.
- How can the party tell their fighter is frustrated?
He becomes a sigh warrior.
- Have you heard about the fighter that had no hands?
They were missing left and right.
- What does a fighter do to upgrade their great sword?
They put lots of tiny holes in it to make it grater.
- Why do fighters always win flatulence competitions?
Because they have second wind.
- Why do fighters eat off their armor at mealtimes?
Because they wear lots of plate armor.
- What do you call a cult of Great Old One warlocks who worship their astral ankheg overlords?
- What do you call a cleric who raises warlocks?
A Patron Saint.
- How many warlocks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but they have to take a short rest afterward.
- How do warlocks communicate with their patron?
- What is a warlock’s favorite drink at the local tavern?
A gin and chtonic.
- Why was the artificer embarrassed when their clockwork crocodile stopped working properly?
- What gender is a warforged artificer?
- What do you call a gnome artificer charlatan that uses his contraptions to con people into thinking he is a psychic and speaks to the dead turning him into a wanted fugitive?
A small medium at large.
- Why was the artificer’s computer too dangerous to use?
It had a dragon drop interface.
- What class makes the best medicine?
Monster Dad Jokes
- What is the hungriest monster?
- What’s a beholder’s favorite food?
- Why haven’t we had a playtest for psion in so long?
Because if you checked it out now, it’d blow your mind!
- Why did no one miss the vampire’s latest victim?
He was vein.
- How do you describe a feast made by a lich?
- How do you catch incorporeals?
With an ethernet.
- What do you call a mimic disguised as a part of the road?
- What happens when a kobold gets old?
They become kobald.
- What do you call a giant lizard that solely exists to eat, kill and destroy?
If you have tarrasque, you’ll never know.
- What is a minotaur’s favorite drink?
Dragon Dad Jokes
- Have you heard about the white dragon that refused to go on a date?
They got cold feet.
- What do you say to the dragon who can’t breathe fire?
Spit out the goat.
- Why do dragons love to eat zombies?
They are magically de-lich-ious.
- What happens when two dragons walk into a bar?
The first says, “it’s hot in here.” The second says, “shut your mouth.”
- What do you call a collection of dragon bones?
- What is a metallic dragon’s favorite clothing line?
- Why did the young dragon only venture out during the day?
It was afraid of the knight.
- Why are evil dragons good with music?
They are familiar with chromatic scales.
- What kind of bed is made from dragon scales?
- What do you call a baby dragon after it hatches?
What Are Some Good D&D One-liners?
One-liners are good to have in your back pocket to shout in the heat of battle or to insult someone (especially when using vicious mockery). Here are some possible one-liners for a party member or NPC to say.
- “Your reputation all over town? A man who fights in trousers of brown.”
- “By the Nine Hells, your mother smells!”
- “Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”
- “I hate fighting things without necks. What fun is it if you can’t behead or strangle them?”
- “If I had an ear for every orc I’ve killed… Oh, wait… I DO have an ear for every orc I’ve killed!”
- “I used to love fighting…..still do, but I used to too.”
- “I’m going to rip off your head and shove it in your face!”
- “What does not kill me, must run.”
- “I killed a man once. Then I killed another man once. You generally only have to kill them once…”
- “Hey fellas, how’s your healthcare coverage?”
What Are Some Good D&D Jokes for Tasha’s Hideous Laughter?
Any of the above lists of jokes will work. Here are a few good ones to use to bust the gut of your next victim… We mean audience!
- Why did the miniature unicorn cross the road?
He was a little horny.
- Why wouldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts.
- Why couldn’t the archer cross the road?
No cross-bow proficiency.
- Did you hear about the skeleton comedian?
- Who does a necromancer invite to a party?
Any old friends he can dig up.
- What do you call a magic-user reincarnated as a dog?
- What do you call a goblin with 3 eyes?
- What do you call a bear with no ears?
- Why are drow always seen as so serious?
I mean, you can’t spell Lolth without “LOL.”
- How do u make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it!
What Are Some Good D&D Knock-Knock Jokes?
Knock-Knock. Who is there? Joke. Joke who? The joke’s on you!
Who doesn’t love a good knock-knock joke? Here are some top D&D-themed knock-knock jokes.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doppelganger. Doppelganger who? Wouldn’t you like to know?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? W-H-O.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dejav. Dejav who? Knock, knock.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Interrupting mimic. Interrupting mimic wh-. Roll initiative!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owlbear goes grr. Owlbear goes grr who? I see you’ve encountered owlbears before!
Wrapping Things Up
The world of Dungeons and Dragons is full of whimsy and fun. In all the seriousness of battle do not forget to add a bit of silliness and mirth to the situations you find yourselves in. A dragon appears out of nowhere, say a funny one-liner. Someone challenges you in the middle of a town, quip back a fun quote. Want to prank your party during the long voyage to yet another castle full of vampires? Plenty of time to try out some new jokes. You do not have to be a bard to entertain. Try out a few of these jokes in your next session of Dungeons and Dragons!